Futbolandia 2008

2007 is over. The critics did their reviews. I should have done something like a highlight reel of my award winning articles. It is always like a greatest hits compilation from Time-Life. “Hey everybody, look it’s Peter Fonda!” the enthusiastic hostess chimes. PF says, “Just walking by and heard the tunes. Man, they bring back some memories.” Hostess says, “You said it, Pete, good times.” Peter just looks beat down and ready to move on.

Sadly, the hostess was not even born when that music was made and she thinks Peter Fonda is Jane’s dad. Compilations are nice for those who need to relive the glory days. In futbolandia, compilations are a long series of repetitive deja vu’s. This year’s stories are just like last year’s. The names and jerseys change, but the plot does not. Make more money, soccer more goals, win more games, write more blog posts. Anybody listening to this twaddle? “Just walking by, man. Heard the tunes. Right on, brother, right on,” states Peter.

What is to look forward to in 2008? In England, a highly contested table between (drum roll, please) … Man U and Arsenal! Gee, that’s original. In Spain, a highly contested table between (drum roll, please) … Barcelona and Real Madrid. Don’t hold your breath. In Italy, a highly contested table between (drum roll, please) … Roma and AC Milan. Titillating. In Germany, a highly contested table between (drum roll, please) … Bayern Munich and who cares?

The best stories may come from Euro 2008. And, let’s not forget about The African Nations Cup that is going on right now. Everyone has already awarded Ivory Coast the Cup since Drogba plays there. But, host Ghana may have some say as well. But never underestimate Egypt, they always find a way to win. And, no pushover is Cameroon and Samuel Eto’o’s 5 goals. Quarterfinals are Sunday and Monday.

Back to Euro 2008. Austria and Switzerland are the host nations with Vienna hosting the final. Will a powerhouse take it, such as Italy or Germany? Or, will an underdog nip its way to a title, such as Greece or Austria? Call it Bizarro-world rationale, but sport stories are developed through a strange cosmic, poetic force. Here’s how I try to interpret this being.

Euro 2008 is in Switzerland and Austria. Both have long futbol histories, but they have not done much since 1950. Austria is the exception with their impressive semi-final run in last year’s Under-23 World Cup. Both teams should make it out of group play. But, they will not make it to the final. One team that borders these nations will be in the final. The options are Croatia, Czech Republic, France, Germany and Italy. Croatia and Czech Republic will not be finalists because they used to be part of the Hapsburg Empire, which is in essence, Austria. Germany and Italy will not be finalists because they were part of the Axis Powers with Austria. All of these teams will be granted safe passage from group play, but that is where it will end. Remember, futbol is The Beautiful Game. And, Beauty will rise with this prediction. Not to say that the Hapsburgs were ugly and left ugly buildings, but the country that designed and influenced Austria and the Viennese for centuries is France. So, France is in the final. Headline – “France Continues Reign in Austria!” The other finalist will be Spain. Why? The Spanish Riding School in Vienna. Again, Beauty wins. Who wins? Spain. Why? They do not border either host country and the cosmic, poetic force will allow Spain to paste the Euro 2008 field - Guernica-style. Don’t know what Guernica’s is about? Pablonious does. ¡VIVA ESPAÑA!
Other stories I will be addressing throughout the year are the following:
Jaguares de Chiapas: Two matches into Clausura 2008 and they have a win and draw. They are tied with Toluca at the top of their group. They play Monterrey Saturday, so let’s see if they can break away a bit. ... Gimnasia y Esgrima de Jujuy: Some how they survived and are still in Primera División de Argentina. They are a cyclical team and were down in Apertura 2007. So, be on the look out for a sneak attack in Clausura 2008. ... FC Dallas: Out with the old, in with the new? FC Dallas will have some growing pains with its young draft picks, but may not be too happy with their defensive acquisition, Davino Duilio. Yes, Duilio is a defensive presence and has a good mind. But, he has slowed in recent years. The Texas heat will leave its mark on this chilango who is accustomed to pristine weather of Mexico City. If FC Dallas can survive their July-August lull, then they may be a force in the post season. The injury report at that time will be the determinant. ... US Men’s National and Olympic Teams: New faces, same results? I think the USMNT will struggle at first and come together down the stretch. Don’t expect USA to beat Mexico on February 6th. Hugo Sanchez has called for all hands on deck. He has to get this monkey off of Mexico’s back before qualifiers. Their psyche depends on it. USA has no pressure here and will put it together for the qualifiers. Bob Bradley is bringing in youth to get them experience and see who has the mettle for the long haul. The USMOT has more pressure and needs to make it to the final match to qualify for Beijing 2008. Matches will be in the States, and that should help. But other CONCACAF teams will be just as hungry to take down the host nation. Should be Mexico and USA in the final and in Beijing, but watch out for Honduras and Costa Rica.

So, let’s all make Peter Fonda proud, compile our lives with sweet Mother Nature, and find yourself by getting lost on the pitch of futbolandia. “These people are going to make it, man,” Dennis Hopper Easy Rider.